D&D, along with the majority of tabletop RPGs, is, at it’s heart, a social experience.
Sure, there are modules designed for just one player, and there’s long and storied history of D&D computer games, but at the center of the game, the spirit of D&D, is not just the table, the rules, and the adventure, but fundamentally – the players.
Small wonder then that the biggest frustrations that most players experience fall into two categories: (1) their DM, and (2) other players.
We could spend a long time examining why some people don’t play well together in D&D, and the answer would look similar to those to other questions. Questions like: “Why shouldn’t some people get married to each other?” Why don’t some people work well together?” Why doesn’t everyone like the same movie, music and ice cream flavour?”
Yes, these really are all related.
The simple answer is because they’re people.
That isn’t meant to sound trite. And I don’t think it is.
Preferences
To start with, people have different tastes and preferences. Some like action movies, rock music and french vanilla ice cream, while others like documentaries, hip hop, and moose tracks. Some like to min/max characters and focus on combat, rushing through a campaign to level up as quickly as possible, while others want to explore their character, interact with the environment around them, and have lengthy dialogues with NPCs.
This is a matter of preferences, and neither one is necessarily right or wrong, just different approaches. However, two or more players who are determined to play their own style of game together are quite apt to butt heads over these approaches.
Personalities
Then there’s the reality of personalities. Some people have big personalities (how’s that for a euphemism?), and others don’t have a lot of room for the big personalities of others. Put these people together in almost any situation and cooperation may be a foregone conclusion.
This isn’t to say that different personalities CAN’T get along, but to acknowledge that they may often simply NOT get along.
Personally I think it’s in keeping with the spirit of the game for people of different backgrounds experiences, personalities and social status to play together, since it better demonstrates how characters would actually interact, as well as to help people to learn to get along with people who are radically different than themselves.
But ideals and reality are often far apart from each other.
Communication
Finally, there’s the issue of communication, and this is bigger than many people think.
A DM decides to make some changes to the rules for their campaign, but doesn’t tell the players until several sessions in.
One player decides to randomly begin moving in a direction different than the rest of the group.
Several players have different ideas on what kind of campaign they want to play.
No one talks about their goals, desires or ambitions for the game, but everyone gets upset that they don’t all agree.
The simple solution to all of these is communication. That’s a fancy word for talking to each other.
These issues apply across the board, whether talking about a DM and a player, two players, etc.
I know of a lot of DMs who have frustrated their players because they have a specific idea of how the game should be played and they want to force that on their players. This typically only works for so long. The DM may be the one in charge of the game, but when everyone else gets upset and leaves, the DM suddenly doesn’t have a game.
Likewise, I know a lot of players who frustrate each other because they don’t take the time to resolve minor issues that exist in game. The resulting tension can lead to a game ending if issues are left unresolved.
We don’t want your game to end early, so next post we’ll look at some solutions to these problems.