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Finding the Right Group: Sad Conclusions

I’ve previously written twice on the subject of “finding the right group”, and obviously there’s no way that I can cover every aspect of group dynamic that may pop up in a game. I have tried to cover a few general concepts, both problems and solutions, but the issue is one of human interaction, and that means it’s potentially very complex.

While I’ve tried to focus on the positive side of things, assuming that the issues affecting a group can be solved, the simple (and unfortunate) conclusion to some cases may simply be that it won’t work in the long run. Sometimes the best (and possibly only) solution is to leave a group, whether you’re a player or a DM.

Let’s assume that everyone has talked about their frustrations together, and that there’s no underlying animosity (presumptuous, I know!) between anyone in the group. Let’s also assume that everyone’s inclination is to continue the game if possible, and no one is particularly egocentric.

It Just Isn’t Fun Anymore

Adversarial DMs, campaigns that aren’t a good fit, and people that you just can’t get along with are a few of the issues that may develop that prevent you from truly enjoying the game. Once the issue has reared it’s ugly head, it may grow to become something that prevents you from enjoying the game at all.
If the issues can’t be resolved in one way or another (and I strongly recommend trying to), then it might be time to move on and take a break.

Wrong Fit

I strongly suggest communication from the beginning of a campaign. This includes informing players of the general style and nature that you intend or expect the game to take.

Someone who enjoys dungeon crawls, moving methodically through passages and rooms, looking for traps and secret doors, daring curses and hidden doom, and the like, may not particularly enjoy a city-based, intrigue heavy, political-themed campaign.
Likewise, someone who enjoys heavy role playing, getting into character, using non-combat approaches to situations, utilizing flavour spells and items, etc., may or may not be impressed if your campaign is more along the lines of a war game.

Letting your players know the basics before they start, and being clear about specific table rules can keep them from quitting because they don’t like the style or direction.

In these cases, it’s not a matter of someone doing anything wrong, it’s just a matter of preferences. However, having one or more players leave is at best disruptive, and at most can break your game completely.

Sad Conclusions

Ultimately, whatever the issue is, the result will be one of the following:
I’m happy with the result and staying in the game.
I’m willing to work things out and stay in the game.
I’m dissatisfied with the result and leaving the game.

Leaving is not always a negative option. It means that you’re leaving a situation that is (probably) causing you stress; hopefully you’re providing constructive feedback to help avoid similar problems in the future; the people who are playing together in your absence can find someone better suited to the game style. In fact, done properly, it can be a positive experience for everyone.

I’ll discuss more about leaving well in the very near future.But first, a story…

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